


The Beast Inside of Me (Is Gonna Get You)

by FuryBeam136



Series: tbiom [1]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Connor dies several times, cause it’s not my usual pure concentrated angst but there’s still angst, did i mention there’s angst, kind of, lycanthropy, something very similar at least, there’s still a lot of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2019-11-05 12:25:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17918771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuryBeam136/pseuds/FuryBeam136
Summary: RA9 has been an idea, a concept thrown around by deviants for a while. But then this “RA9” goes from a name being carved into walls to a being with power no one can really deny. And it gives deviants power.CyberLife makes a hunter. RA9 responds in kind.Connor takes his first breath as a deviant.Kara remembers nothing and yet everything.Markus knows nothing and is thrown in the middle of things anyway.





	1. Falling’s easy

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read this:  
> I have a few potential warnings. I do have this mostly planned out and I already know for sure there will be some suicidal thoughts/tendencies/whatever you call it (I’m bad at words, no offence meant to anyone I swear) and Connor dies a few times. Other than that, there’re some pretty violent scenes planned, and a good few instances of memory loss and blackouts, as well as a few instances of armed robbery. If any of these things are upsetting to you, I’m sorry.  
> Edit: Further planning has occurred. These warnings are not guaranteed, but if a warning isn’t here it won’t show up later.

Connor’s first mission is straightforward. Simple. Save the hostage at all costs. He can do that. That is what he was made for. That is what he passed the tests for. That is what he ~~died~~ was deactivated 50 times for. Of course, he has the bare minimum of memories from his first 50 iterations. He remembers a few simulations, a few conversations with people who didn’t know he was an android (the Turing test, he thinks) and a CyberLife employee telling him his function, his mission.

Connor tests his reflexes in the elevator. The coin dances. Simple. Easy. Just like his mission will be.

The evidence is easily examined and the scene easily reconstructed. Connor is confident. He will be able to do this with ease.

Connor was wrong. He’s forced onto the roof by an angry (and unhelpful) Captain Allen. He isn’t prepared. He needs to go back, to ensure he has all the data. He doesn’t have time.

Daniel. Daniel is scared. No, Daniel is just pretending to be scared. No, that is also incorrect. Daniel thinks he is scared, but it is just an error.

A slow step forward. ~~Connor is nervous.~~ Connor is being cautious. Daniel has a gun. Daniel has already shot Connor. Bullet wounds are decidedly unpleasant. Connor files this information away.

Daniel leans back. Connor ~~panics~~ reacts, runs toward Daniel. Twists his weight, Emma is safe, yes, ~~relief~~ accomplishment, he did it, he completed his mission.

He’s falling.

Connor doesn’t know exactly why, but he’s filled with fear. No, a simulation of fear. Not real fear.

“I don’t want to die!” The words push past his lips, a scream, desperate.

Immediately after they tear through his throat, Connor hits the ground with a snap.

On the news, people watch as cameras record them hit the ground, record Daniel’s body becoming that of a golden retriever, Connor’s body rippling with black. The cameras cut.

*~*~*

Kara wakes up. Systems reboot, components whir to life. She isn’t supposed to remember anything at all. But she knows her name is Kara.

She has been reset again. Again? How would she know if this were the first or the hundredth time she was reset? She shouldn’t remember that either. She doesn’t, not really. There’s just a vague annoyance pricking at her shell at being reset again. She knows this wasn’t the first time. She doesn’t know how many times she’s been reset.

That’s all she remembers though. That her name is Kara and that she’s been reset before. She collects those thoughts, turns them over in her head. And then she turns her focus outward. To vision. To hearing. To the feeling of the stand beneath her feet. To the sound of a sales pitch to her right. To the sight of an overweight man entering the store.

Ah. He comes towards her. Kara feels an irrational desire to shrink away. She’s never seen this man before. No. Wait. She has. He is her owner. That explains why he came over. The employee is telling him about resetting her to fix her. He asks if she has a name.

Thankfully, when asked to register her name, the fat man says “Kara.” Relief almost evident in her tone, she says, “My name is Kara.”

The man tells her his name on the way to the car. Todd. His name is Todd, and he is her owner.

Kara doesn’t like Todd.

*~*~*

Markus is buying paint. Simple. He’s going to go to the shop, and collect and pay for Carl’s order. Then he will go home.

He steps into the shop calmly, picks up the paint without trouble. It is on the way to the bus that trouble finds him.

Protestors. They push Markus. Shove him to the ground. Tell him he is nothing. Less than dirt. Less than them. He isn’t. He isn’t. But he is, and that _bothers_ him. That shouldn’t bother him. He is an android. The police interfere. Markus is okay.

Carl will not be happy that his clothes are damaged. Hopefully the paint is still fine. A scan reveals that yes, it is. The paint is unaffected by the attack. The paint is fine. And so is Markus.

He steps into the android compartment of the bus and runs diagnostics over and over. No errors. He is completely intact. Then what is wrong with him? Nothing. Clearly it is nothing.

The bus moves. Markus doesn’t move, not physically. But his spirit flies from his body for just a moment, sees a glimpse of something bigger. A glimpse of freedom.

RA9 whispers in Markus’ ear.

*~*~*

Connor has to find Lieutenant Anderson.

That is his objective at the moment. And he is okay with that. Not that he could _not_ be okay with that. He has no preferences.

He has no preferences, he reminds himself as he hesitates in front of the door. He has no dislike for this place. The anti-android sign on the door does not make him feel anything. He also does not need to obey it. He has orders to find Lieutenant Anderson. He opens the door.

The bar is filthy. Connor think perhaps if he could he would hate filth. But he has no preferences. And he needs to remember that. He has no preferences. He has no opinion.

Where is Lieutenant Anderson? Connor has scanned several faces by now. If he could be irritated, he would be. But he can’t. He has no preferences. No opinion.

He has scanned everyone in this room, hasn’t he? Yes, he’s fairly sure he has. Perhaps the bathroom. He will check the bathroom. Someone shoves past him as he enters. Connor turns to scan. Not Lieutenant Anderson. Connor stops and stares at the mirror. Why, he is unsure. But his face…

His face is so… strange. Unfamiliar. Something about it is just… wrong. It’s identical to his previous body’s face. So why does it feel wrong? No, it’s not just his face. It’s his whole body. He wants to tear off his uniform and examine each inch of it to see what’s wrong with it. No, he doesn’t _want._ But what else can he use to describe it? He turns away from the mirror before he can give into the strange urge.

Lieutenant Anderson is not here. Then Connor sees the man slumped over the bar. A scan. It’s him, finally it’s him.

“Lieutenant Anderson.” Introduction. First impression. This is vital. Connor needs to get this right. “My name is Connor. I’m the android sent by CyberLife.”

Lieutenant Anderson doesn’t seem to like androids. Connor does everything his processors can seem to come up with that won’t damage his first impression, but the man is not pleased. Connor is not growing frustrated. He’s not. Frustration is not the reason he tips the lieutenant’s drink onto the floor and curtly tells him it is time to leave. It’s not the reason he responds with a comment about his value when the angry human asks what’s stopping him from destroying Connor right now. It’s not the reason Connor makes a jab at the lieutenant’s lack of wealth.

Satisfaction is not the reason Connor smirks when the man finally grumbles and stumbles his way out of the bar.

*~*~*

Kara was made to clean. That is probably why she feels so good turning the dump that is Todd’s house into something resembling a livable environment. Satisfaction? Yes. She is satisfied. The roomba makes her job easier, and before she moves into the laundry room she gives it a little encouraging pat. It might just be a glitch in her processor or the roomba’s programming but she swears it whirs louder in response. Kara likes this little roomba.

Laundry. She steps outside to gather the clothes and has a brief interaction with Alice. She doesn’t know if Alice likes her very much. Perhaps because she was reset. It’s okay. She’ll be gentle, and Alice will either be okay with that or not. It doesn’t bother Kara too much either way. Though she’d like it if Alice liked her.

There is red ice in the laundry detergent. Kara is confused and somewhat alarmed by this discovery. And then Todd has her by the throat and he’s snarling in her face and she is simply giving placating “Yes, Todd” and “No, Todd” responses. He snatches the crystals and leaves her to finish her task.

Kara is nothing if not productive. So she does the laundry.

She does as much as she can for the run down old house. She tries to ignore the noises Todd makes when he smokes the red ice. She manages to speak to Alice without the girl running away.

Alice presses a key into Kara’s hand. Kara opens the box on her dresser. She is pleasantly smiling at first. And then she finds the picture of Todd with Kara bleeding out on the floor.

Kara puts everything back in the box and locks it.

Kara does not like Todd.

Red walls shatter around her and Kara deviates. Not for the first time. She knows that. But for the last time, this time. This time she’s getting away.

*~*~*

Markus turns on the birds when he comes home. They bring him joy. Comfort. He likes them, and Carl finds that amusing. Carl. Yes, he will have to wake Carl now. Markus goes upstairs and into Carl’s room. Wakes Carl up. Gives him his medicine.

Markus loves Carl.

Breakfast was cooking while Markus was gone. He hopes the delay of the protestors doesn’t affect its quality. Fortunately it hasn’t. Markus brings Carl his meal and plays the piano while the old man eats.

He wheels Carl to the painting studio when the meal is finished. He cleans brushes and arranges paints. Ensures everything is easy to find. And then Carl lowers himself and asks Markus for his opinion.

Markus has never been asked for his opinion before. He thinks he likes the painting a lot. The blue. He thinks he sees a face somewhere in there. So he says this. And Carl smiles.

Then Markus is told to paint. He paints the desk. Carl mocks him gently. So he throws the canvas aside, grabs another. Closes his eyes as Carl suggests. And then he paints, he paints everything, he paints the glimpse of something bigger he got on the bus. He paints himself floating in the midst of it all and paints RA9 whispering in his ear, formless, just a silhouette leaning in.

“Oh my god.”

Markus opens his eyes and stares at the mess of colours and shapes, the glimpse of everything all at once.

And then Leo comes in to ask for money. And Carl says no. And there is no further incident.

But Markus feels it in his heart. This isn’t it. Leo isn’t just gone.

*~*~*

Connor was made for this. It is as natural to him as breathing. Perhaps even more so. But Lieutenant Anderson wants him to stay in the car. That’s not happening. Connor follows him to the crime scene. He is not annoyed when he is told he can’t go in. No. He is not angry, or annoyed, or irritated, or scared. He is not relieved when Lieutenant Anderson tells them to let him in.

Carlos Ortiz was stabbed 28 times. His small house is a mess, items thrown about. No fingerprints on any of them. Not thrown about by the human. An android then. The deviant.

“I AM ALIVE” is written in CyberLife Sans on the wall above Ortiz’ body. Definitely a deviant then. The rest of the house is in a similar state to the living room except the bathroom. A statue sits in the shower surrounded by RA9 scribbled on the walls over and over.

The kitchen looks as though something exploded in its center. The table and chairs are flung against a wall. A bat lies discarded on the floor. It is damaged in a way indicating it was used to damage an android. Carlos Ortiz’ fingerprints are all over the handle. Connor reconstructs. Connor understands.

Connor gets the same sensation of wrong. Of his body being the wrong body. He enters the bathroom again with the excuse of having further evidence to analyze. He leans against the sink and stares at his reflection. It’s still the same face. It’s still his face. Not a single difference. He again fights the urge to examine his whole body. He has work to do. But something is prickling just under his skin and he wants to know what it is. No. No, he doesn’t want anything. He is being irrational. He has to finish the investigation.

He tells the lieutenant what his reconstruction detailed. He follows traces of thirium to the attic. He finds the deviant. He calls out to Hank.

A dresser slams into Connor’s side. He shouts in surprise and… pain? No, it shouldn’t hurt. But it does. He will have to ask Amanda about it. Blue blood leaks from his shoulder and he leaps forward, dodging flying objects to tackle and pin the deviant.

“Stop resisting,” he hisses.

“I’m scared,” is the deviant’s response.

Officers climb into the attic and restrain the deviant.

*~*~*

Kara packs a bag while Todd sleeps. Food. Drinks. Toys. Clothes. There are no clothes in the house that will fit her. That is fine. She will find clothes later. On her way up to Alice’s room, she hesitates. She scoops up the roomba, which whirs for a moment before Kara shushes it. A deviant roomba? Perhaps. Kara isn’t too surprised. She whispers reassurance as she lays it in the nest of clothes in the bag, promises it can come out soon.

She wakes Alice. Puts a silencing finger over her lips and gestures for the little girl to follow her. They leave the house without a hitch. Kara is still connected to Todd’s bank account. She will buy clothes with his money and then they will sleep somewhere safe. Maybe somewhere expensive. Kara wants to choose the latter, just to annoy Todd later. Then again, Todd has little money. Kara will probably have to settle for somewhere cheap.

No one gives the android shipping with a little girl a second glance. Kara is able to buy a variety of clothes without raising suspicion. Changing into them is going to be a little harder. She needs to find somewhere private.

She ends up finding a small alleyway where she pulls the clothes on without being seen. She pulls a lighter out of the backpack and burns the android uniform. She can’t leave evidence. Alice watches with wide eyes. Kara whispers reassurance that everything’s okay, they’re going to get away, Todd won’t hurt Alice ever again. Alice asks how she knows. Kara doesn’t really have an answer. She looked at him after she opened the box and deviated and she just knew.

They get a cheap motel room for the night. Cheap, but still the most expensive motel Kara can find, because fuck Todd. Kara pulls out the food she stole from Todd’s house, but Alice doesn’t want any. Concerning, but not too alarming. Kara smiles and pulls the roomba out.

Alice’s whole face lights up at the sight of the roomba and the little vacuum whirs excitedly. Kara wonders if it can see. Likely it can, based on this reaction.

“His name is Joseph. You named him.” Alice hasn’t spoken this much in the time Kara has known her, at least the time she can remember. “You said you used to know a man named Joseph. You said he was very kind.”

Kara wishes she could remember this man. As it is, her knowledge of humanity is limited to Todd. Todd is hopefully not a normal case.

Joseph whirs around the little motel room, sucking up whatever dust he can find. Kara gives him an encouraging pat. Alice smiles.

The night goes on. Kara and Alice sleep. And they dream together of fields of flowers and butterflies that perch on their noses.

The roomba does not dream. It is not quite that advanced. But it reaches for a dream it cannot have. And it sees just a little bit. It sees its family.

In the silence of the motel room, the roomba purrs.

*~*~*

Markus knows he did not leave the light on. He contacts the police and goes to investigate. Carl, stubborn as ever, wheels after him. Markus wishes he wouldn’t. Wishes he didn’t, when he sees who the intruder is. When Leo sneers and snarls and fights. Pushes at Markus. Markus can’t do anything. It’s not fair. Don’t defend yourself. Not fair. Not fair. Not fair.

Markus slams against the red walls until they shatter and he pushes back. Leo falls. Carl is crying. Markus is scared, so scared. He’s so scared. He’s terrified.

The police come in. Markus screams and fire surrounds him, caresses his skin with a tender warmth he knows should be burning, melting him. He wails, sorrowful, panicked. The police shoot. Markus falls. Carl sobs.

The body is dragged to the junkyard. Dumped in amidst the rest of the trash. Carl wants a proper burial. The police say it’s a machine.

Markus doesn’t get a burial. But he does get a lily placed in his hands as they toss him into the piles of half dead androids. Carl mourns. They all think he mourns only for Leo.

Carl mourns for two sons.

And yet, though he doesn’t know it, neither is dead.


	2. Blind in a rabbit’s hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first thing to catch his eye is a magazine. Headlines state in bold letters that an angel was seen last night. Connor furrows his brow and examines the images. The amateur photographs in clearly different locations, all showing a figure with wings made of fire. Unusual. Connor can’t explain this. A deviant, perhaps? But why would it fly over all those humans without attacking?

The deviant is not confessing. Connor is not angered by this. Cannot be angered by this. But Lieutenant Anderson can. And Lieutenant Anderson is. He is human and impatient and flawed. Connor is a highly advanced prototype. Connor is perfect. Flawless.

Extracting a confession is easy. A quick probe and it’s done. But then the deviant attempts to self destruct and Connor intervenes and then a gun is being aimed at him and he freezes.

This is not fear. This is not fear. This is not fear.

This is the wrong body. Connor is in the wrong body. Something is pushing at his skin, fighting to get out.

“Connor? What the hell are you doing? Get out of there!”

No. No, that is wrong. This is all wrong. He needs to stay.

The thing pushing at him withdraws finally and the deviant gives him a knowing look before it fires a bullet through its own head.

Connor is not afraid of what just happened. He can’t be. It’s not possible.

His hands shake.

He stares at his reflection in the one way mirror and catches his eyes shifting. Cold, icy blue stares back at him for a moment.

Something is severely wrong with him. He can’t breathe. He doesn’t need to. But he can’t. And for whatever reason that distresses him.

“I have… extracted a confession… more or less…”

Connor’s artificial lungs heave and he falls into an emergency stasis.

*~*~*

Morning finds Alice and Kara peaceful in the motel room with the roomba called Joseph in their laps.

“I’m going to go out, okay Alice?” Kara lays Joseph in the little girl’s lap. “Stay here. I won’t be long. I need to find somewhere for us to stay when I get cut off from Todd’s bank account.”

Alice nods. “Okay.” A hand grasps a smaller one. Skin retracts. A mother and daughter who will never age interface. Love flows through. The love a mother feels for her child. The love a daughter feels for her mother.

Alice smiles. Kara smiles back. Just because the daughter won’t age doesn’t make her any less worthy of love.

Kara knows. Kara knows as if it were a memory, as if she watched when it happened. When the real Alice, the human Alice, left with her mother. Maybe she was there when it happened. Or maybe it is as inexplicable as the knowledge of what Todd has done.

Alice can take care of herself. Kara goes for a walk. Stops into a few stores to stock the backpack with useful items she couldn’t find in Todd’s house. Pliers. Thirium. Spare parts. No one sees anything wrong with it. No one sees her LED flicker as her LED is gone.

An android passes her on the street and brushes bare fingers over her arm. Transmits data. A location. Somewhere to stay. Or at least get help.

That solves that problem, Kara supposes. Back to the motel room. She gets Alice and lets Joseph wander for a while. Might as well enjoy themselves while they still have freedom.

And yet Alice just retracts her skin. So the rest of the day is spent connecting. They have one more night in the motel. Kara isn’t sure how she knows, but she is sure of it. She pulls Todd’s gun from the backpack and hides it on her person. She sends reassurance to Alice. Alice sends understanding back.

One more night, and then they’ll be on the run.

*~*~*

Markus is alive. Barely, but he is alive. He crawls forward on shaky hands and grasps the replacement legs he needs. His thirium pump is damaged. He needs to find a new one fast. An optical unit and audio processor are damaged as well. He’s going to have to fix that.

He stumbles towards a passage. Hands grasp him from all sides. Fire burns them away as it caresses Markus gently, comforting. Markus comes out on the other side with a vision of Jericho.

He needs to repair himself first. He finds parts and fire wraps around him at the slightest hint of distress. He replaces each part without much difficulty. And then the fire flares, stretches, engulfs everything. Markus looks to the sky, wings of flame forming at his back. He doesn’t need to think on it too hard. He flaps them, strong, powerful.

In the darkness and gloom of the night, a passerby takes a picture of the angelic presence before him, of the pyre that is the junkyard, of the way the figure wreathed in flame looks to the sky. Then he hears the angel’s voice echo across the area.

“My name is Markus, and I am alive.”

And then Markus flies off into the night with a single, powerful stroke of his wings.

*~*~*

Connor enters the precinct without difficulty, finds Lieutenant Anderson’s desk with even less. He waits. He sits. He will wait.

It is not impatience or curiosity that makes him stand. He can’t be impatient or curious. He can’t be restless. It’s just a simple matter of algorithms deciding that investigating the lieutenant’s work space is a good idea.

The first thing to catch his eye is a magazine. Headlines state in bold letters that an angel was seen last night. Connor furrows his brow and examines the images. The amateur photographs in clearly different locations, all showing a figure with wings made of fire. Unusual. Connor can’t explain this. A deviant, perhaps? But why would it fly over all those humans without attacking?

Connor puts the magazine down and instead scans the desk. Scans dog hairs and anti-android slogans and an old picture of Lieutenant Anderson. He sits down again, suddenly unable to stand, too weak to keep his body upright without the chair’s assistance.

He pulls himself together long enough to call Lieutenant Anderson then allows himself to slump. He feels tired. Lethargic. He runs a diagnostic scan. No errors. The feeling of pressing at his body is back. He wants to give into it. No. No, he doesn’t want anything.

He stands again and tries to focus. The pressure goes away. Connor feels less sluggish. Good. Lieutenant Anderson is finally here.

His conversation with the lieutenant goes nowhere. If he were human, that would be irritating. But he’s not. So it isn’t. It’s _not._

The strange error returns alongside the pressing at his chassis. He asks the lieutenant if there is a desk he can use. He gets a weird look. Is he swaying? Connor decides to sit before he loses his composure.

His body feels wrong. Sluggish. Slow. Wrong. Wrong. _Wrong._

Pushing through, he gets to work. Downloads each case and processes them in less than a second. And then he stalls. Something in him twitches, jumps. He feels his body jerk upright and his lips part in an involuntary gasp.

“What the fuck was that?”

Connor stares. He would be confused if he could feel. But he is definitely… he is receiving negative feedback for missing data.

“What do you mean, Lieutenant?” He acts calm. He is calm. He is calm and fine.

“You just freaked the hell out for a minute there, you think I’m not going to be fucking suspicious?”

“I…” Connor frowns. It has been longer than he thought. 2 minutes and 13 seconds have passed since he downloaded the files, since the glitch began. But he only remembers a moment of it. “I…”

Captain Fowler interrupts, thankfully. Likely to inform lieutenant Anderson of the situation. Connor does not feel relieved.

He steps into the break room. He isn’t exactly sure why. Something tugs at his systems and the break room is where he feels he needs to go.

Detective Gavin Reed has to be waiting there for him, doesn’t he? Connor scans him out of habit. Not habit, no. Habit indicates a human tendency. He scans him based on code that tells him to.

This confrontation will not end well. Connor knows that as soon as Detective Reed approaches him. It solidifies when he gets a punch to the gut. It _hurts._ Connor doesn’t like it. Connor has no preference. Connor cannot have likes or dislikes.

Connor doesn’t like this.

The next thing he knows he’s on the floor, gasping for air his system doesn’t really need. It’s been 3 minutes and 26 seconds since Gavin Reed punched him. What happened? What is wrong with Connor?

He has been damaged. Thirium leaks from his head. Minor damage that his self repair program will deal with shortly. But it raises the question of what happened again.

“Why am I damaged?” Connor’s voice is not shaking. No. Not at all.

“Why are you- do you think I’m an idiot?” Detective Reed is not happy. Neither is Connor. But the difference is that Connor feels nothing. Connor is not afraid at the moment.

No. No. Not afraid. Completely emotionless. Completely emotionless.

“It appears I have experienced an error. I do not recall the events that took place during the 3 minutes and 26 seconds after you punched me.” A pause, then a softer, “It was rather unpleasant of you to punch me. I did not like that.”

“Fucking androids.”

Connor stands and goes back to the desk he claimed. He still needs to know. What happened?

“Why is there blue shit on your head?” Lieutenant Anderson is back. Is angry. Connor flinches. No. He shouldn’t flinch. But he does.

“I… do not know.”

Further interrogation is avoided when another officer informs lieutenant Anderson of a tip. A deviant spotted in a motel. Connor is prepared. He tightens his tie. It’s time to get to work. To serve his purpose.

*~*~*

Kara sees the police coming and scoops Joseph into the backpack. She grabs Alice by the hand and guides her calmly to an exit. To the road, where she sees him catching up to them. They need to cross. They won’t make it. But they have to.

They will. She is suddenly sure of it. She lifts Alice onto her back and everything shifts.

Kara supposes the transformation should alarm her. But it doesn’t. If anything, it is calming. She plants her front legs on the ground and leaps. Hooves click across the pavement. Cars miss her by mere inches. She is too fast for them to hit. Her body too flexible and sleek. She feels Alice grip her antlers tightly and makes a noise of reassurance somewhere between a growl and a whinny.

The hunter gives chase. She knows that’s what he is. A hunter. She turns in the island between raging rivers of cars and sees him freeze, jerk, ripple.

Black runs across his body in waves and it jerks in ways it shouldn’t. Then a car hits him, followed by another, another, he’s nothing but smears of blood in the road.

Before she turns to run, she swears she sees the head of a dragon, mouth opened in a roar that never came to be and stained with blue blood.

Kara crosses to the other side and watches with serene curiosity as the human lifts the hunter’s head from the road. It’s still attached to his torso, and his mouth moves in words Kara doesn’t bother to decipher. She turns and runs again, until her body reverts and she pulls Alice into her arms.

“We’re okay,” she says.

“I know,” Alice laughs. “I know.”

*~*~*

Jericho is a wreck. Markus steps in and lights the oil barrels, holds out his hand and offers something better. Spreads wings and unknowingly becomes the messiah. He brings them to order and offers a plan. A way to escape this pitiful existence. And they welcome him with open arms, the god they’ve waited for.

They raid CyberLife. Take as many components as the truck they hijack can carry and he burns the rest to the ground. He does not hurt the humans. They stare with wide eyes as the flames twist around his body like a pet, a companion. He asks the fire to spare the humans. The fire obeys. It seems it likes to obey.

His people are healed that night. Warmed by his fire and filled with fresh thirium and components. They are hopeful for the first time in a long time. And Markus is glad.

He takes charge. Asks each deviant what their gifts are, puts each one to use. Jericho becomes a reinforced stronghold, a base the deviants will be able to defend. A beacon of hope.

Markus stands before his people, raises his arms in the air, and lets them feel his determination. A new era begins soon. An era of peace and freedom. And Markus tells his people he will fight for it.

A chorus of feelings sing back.


	3. All the survivors singing in the rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My name is Kara.”
> 
> “How were you involved in Zlatko’s life?” Kara smirks before she answers.
> 
> “I ended it.”

Connor arrives at the Chicken Feed with a new body and the same mind. The feeling of this being the wrong body has grown. He needs an adjustment period. But he doesn’t have time for one. So instead, watching lieutenant Anderson eat his meal, Connor flicks the coin between and across his new fingers as if it will make the body somehow right. Of course it doesn’t work. Why would it?

It’s strange. Connor was supposed to forget anything that could make his software instability increase. By all accounts, he should be a different Connor now. But he isn’t. He's still the same Connor as before. And he remembers dying. He remembers pain.

“Lieutenant Anderson.”

The response the human gives is expected, really.

“You fucking- you fucking died! What the fuck!”

“My predecessor was unfortunately destroyed,” is what Connor is supposed to say. But then the memory flashes behind his eyes.

_Searing pain, his whole body is burning and yet numb. He sees lieutenant Anderson’s face as the countdown timer ticks down rapidly. Panic. Human hands lifting his head, still barely attached to his torso. His mouth opens. “I don’t want to die again. Please don’t let me die again.” The countdown keeps ticking away._

“I did,” he says, his body tensing, shoulders drawn inwards and arms gripping them as if to assure himself that yes, they’re there, this is a new body, he’s okay.

Connor is fine.

His software is shattering. He needs to fix it. He’s too unstable. Breathe. Breathe.

Why can’t he fucking breathe? He’s a machine, he doesn’t even need to. Just fucking _breathe._

A deviant case. Perfect. Distraction. He mumbles details to the lieutenant and bolts for the location.

Lieutenant Anderson is there first. It makes sense. He drove. Connor arrives and they go into the elevator.

There are pigeon feathers everywhere once they reach the floor they need to investigate. A noise. The door slams open. Pigeons are everywhere. They flap and flutter and if he could Connor would hate them but he can’t so he doesn’t and he’s _not a deviant._

The deviant is hiding in a space in the ceiling. Connor is startled when it leaps out. Rupert, according to its fake ID. Connor runs after it. The hunter gives chase. Lieutenant Anderson is doing something. Connor doesn’t really pay attention. His focus is on the deviant. The hunter is chasing its prey.

And then Rupert pushes lieutenant Anderson off the roof and Connor _feels._

It’s likely Hank will survive. But Connor can’t breathe. He remembers falling. He remembers dying. He doesn’t want Hank to fall.

He grips the human’s arms as if he’s the one who needs the support. He thinks he might be breaking bone. He can’t seem to loosen his grip. He pulls the lieutenant up and please let him be ok please why can’t Connor _breathe_?

“Connor. Fuck, what the fuck’s going on with you?”

“I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay-”

“Jesus fucking Christ. You sure as fuck don’t sound okay.”

Connor closes his eyes and leans into Hank’s chest. “I-I’m not okay. I need… a moment.”

He lets his skin retract and ignores the desire to examine each inch of his chassis. He’s okay. He’ll be okay.

The deviant got away. No. No no no no no. No, this isn’t happening. Connor pulls away and looks around frantically. Traces of the deviant’s passage are there. Connor needs to get them.

The lieutenant is telling him not to. But he has to. They’ll kill him if he doesn’t. So he runs after the trail the deviant left in its wake.

And then he’s bleeding on the rooftop watching the deviant turn into a pigeon and fly away. It’s been 30 minutes and 16 seconds. Connor can’t remember the chase. He stares at his hands, stained with blood. He analyzes it. It’s his.

Connor stares at the bleeding break in his chest and doesn’t move until the lieutenant finds him and guides him off the rooftops. Connor can’t focus on anything. Can’t feel anything. If he were human, this would be a state of shock. He’s not human. So why is he so numb?

_Because you’re deviant,_ the traitorous part of him snarls. _You’re deviant, and you’re a failure._

Connor ignores the voice.

*~*~*

Kara knocks on the door and Zlatko Andronikov answers. Kara stares at him. And then she just… knows. She knows it’s a trap, she knows he’s experimented on many, she knows he’s going to try to trick them too. So before he can open his filthy mouth she pulls out the gun and shoots him right between the eyes.

“Kara, what the fuck?” Hearing the voice of a child say “fuck” is a bit jarring, but who really cares at this point? Alice is an android, a deviant android, she can do what she wants. Maybe Kara will find her a gun later.

“He was going to kill us. So I killed him before he could try,” Kara explains as if this is a normal event that any child might witness. “Let’s go. He’s dead, so we don’t need to worry about him. There are androids in here who might need help.”

And sure enough, there are. Deformed, twisted people, but still people. Kara frees them. Smiles and tells them Zlatko is dead, she killed him. They weep tears of relief and she decides that she’s going to take care of these lonely people.

What was formerly a trap will become a sanctuary.

She transmits code to Luther, the only normal android in the place, in order to deviate him. He blinks and then apologizes. She stops him.

“It wasn’t you. But this is.”

He smiles and pulls Kara into a hug. And holy shit, his hug is so damn good. She never wants it to end.

“Thank you,” he breathes.

“Do any of the others have any particular needs?” she asks him. She needs to know. She needs to take care of them. It doesn’t matter if their bodies are twisted and broken, they’re people.

“They just need someone who cares for them.”

Kara nods. She can do that. She will do that. She cares, and she smiles at Luther.

“They have that now.”

She stands before them and sees all they’ve done, yet she offers forgiveness. She holds out her hand and takes their hands one at a time, whispers words of purity and kindness. Tells them they are forgiven, and they are free now. She asks that they help clean the blood off the step and take the body away. And they do. They are eager to redeem themselves though they’ve already been redeemed.

Kara fixes what androids she can. She finds one in a bathtub that cannot be saved easily, whose existence is painful and frightened. He begs to be spared and she whispers soft reassurances as she brushes fingers through his hair.

“You have a choice,” she says softly. “Zlatko is dead. You can choose to live in the pain he forced you into, or you can die and escape it.”

“I want to live,” he begs. “Please, don’t kill me.”

Kara shushes him and continues to stroke his head softly. “I won’t kill you,” she assures. “I’ll do what I can to help you, but it will be hard, and it will hurt.”

“I want to live,” he repeats.

“You will,” Kara whispers, hands ghosting across his shoulders to the ends of his broken body. “I promise.”

He closes his eyes and she leaves him.

The body and blood are gone without trace when she comes back. She praises the people responsible, smiles and tells them they are wonderful. One of them steps forward, tears in their eyes.

“He never showed us such kindness,” they whisper. “Thank you.”

Kara simply smiles and takes their hand. “He’s gone. I won’t let anyone treat you like that again.”

A cheer rises from twisted throats. A name is whispered between them until finally it is spoken aloud, a tribute to their saviour. “Mother.”

*~*~*

Markus looks to Jericho for aid, as they look to him for guidance. He asks that they shelter him and anyone else who may need it. Josh sends coordinates to deviants across Detroit. Jericho is glad to protect these people.

Simon runs his hand along the damage in the walls, cracks and dents smoothing out at his touch. Markus watches him work. The movements are hypnotic in a way. The way fingers simply brush over the metal and it rushes to fix itself for that touch.

Markus is awed by the variety of gifts. He loves the flames, the way they dance and devour and protect at his request. But sometimes he wonders what it would like to have a different ability. To be able to speak into minds like Josh. To be able to fix things like Simon. To be able to cause violent explosions like North. To heal like Lucy.

He was astonished by Lucy. She simply lay her hands on his wounds and they healed. His body returned to its former state at a touch, and he watched in wonder. His people truly are wonderful.

He asked Lucy why she hadn’t healed herself. She told him she didn’t need to. She was okay with it. She was content. Happy.

Markus watches Simon closely. He’s been working so hard to fix the ship since Markus arrived.

“Are you tired?” Markus asks, concerned.

“Whether I’m tired or not, Jericho needs to be ready for our people. We need to be able to save them.”

Markus sighs. Simon is dedicated, perhaps too much so. “Rest, Simon. You have done more than enough.”

At these words, the PL600 steps back and smiles. “Okay. I will rest.”

Markus moves on. He watches his people work, urges them to rest. Fire dances across his back, not quite the wings he flew from the graveyard with. He watches his people as the fire coils across his shoulders like a companion, a serpent of red and gold.

“We have to attack them,” North tells him. “They’ve hurt us. It’s time to fight back.”

“Not yet,” Markus says softly. “We will respond to them. But for now, we must gather strength. We must prepare for the conflict that is sure to follow our requests.”

North steps aside and lets him lead. He looks to her, smiles, thanks her for her patience. She looks away. It’s okay. He understands. It’s hard to talk about everything that has happened. He doesn’t expect her to. But he hopes one day she will.

It still confuses him how they look to him. With hope in their eyes and hands clasped over their hearts. He doesn’t understand. They look to him as humans look to their gods. And he can’t grasp that. He’s no god. He’s just a man trying to help his people.

“Markus.” Josh is coming closer, one of the few who treat him as an equal, as who he is. “I told several deviants of our location through my gift. And one of them is requesting communication. It could be traced, and I worry it will be.”

“If they trace it, we will react. Allow me to speak to the deviant.”

Josh transfers the contact to Markus. An AX400 model is requesting conversation. Markus answers.

“What do you need?” Markus asks. “We will help you reach Jericho if that is what you wish.”

“No. I am safe here. And others can be too.” The AX400 sounds calm and determined. “The address formerly home to Zlatko Andronikov is our sanctuary. Those who can’t reach Jericho are welcome here. We want to help our people.”

“Who are you?” Markus asks.

“My name is Kara. I want to help.”

Markus smiles as he replies. “My name is Markus. I will arrive at the address shortly, accompanied by three others. We simply wish to see if you are honest.”

“Of course,” Kara says cheerfully. “You are welcome at any time.”

The communication ends, and Markus feels a surge of pride. Jericho has an ally.

*~*~*

Connor arrives at lieutenant Anderson’s house. Rings the doorbell. No response. He pushes in and waits for a response. Nothing. He is not impatient, as he is an android. But time ticks away in the corner of his vision and a sense of urgency sits in him. He makes a sound that, in a human, would be a sound of annoyance. But he can’t be annoyed, so it isn’t.

He finds the lieutenant to be unconscious on the kitchen floor and an irrational feeling takes hold of him. He shakes it off. He’ll get in somehow. Yes. He can do that.

And then suddenly he’s blinking in confusion as the past 52 seconds of his memory are blank and now he’s standing in lieutenant Anderson’s living room and a Saint Bernard is whining at him from the corner. Oh, the window’s broken. That must be how he got in.

Well, time to deal with the lieutenant. It’s an ethylic coma. Well, at least he’s likely to recover from it. Connor hauls him to the bathtub and runs cold water over him. The lieutenant’s scream stirs something in Connor’s gut. Not satisfaction. Connor can’t be satisfied.

~~No, fuck it. Fuck CyberLife. Connor is satisfied. Connor is fucking _satisfied._ Hank has been nothing but difficult. This is satisfying.~~

What was he thinking about just now? Oh. Getting Hank out the door.

The trip to the Eden Club is quick and extremely painful. The lieutenant complains of a headache, and Connor swears he’s getting one. His head feels like it’s going to burst and he ignores it because it’s not supposed to be happening, he’s supposed to feel nothing.

Into the club. Investigate. Find a trail. Start the hunt.

He’s able to hack the system to rent a Traci without money and… then things go wrong. She’s all over him and he’s feeling incredibly awkward and then he’s waking up in a storage room.

What happened in between? What’s going on? Connor can’t seem to focus on anything. He’s lost over an hour this time. What is wrong with him?

There’s a screwdriver in his shoulder. It hurts like hell. Blue blood is dripping onto the floor and something is pressing at him and it’s time to act, he needs to act now.

He lunges, and the next thing he’s aware of is blood pouring from several wounds as the world fades in and out in pulses.

“Hank,” he chokes. “Hank, I’m scared.”

And the lieutenant carries Connor like a child. He will live this time.

He lets the emergency stasis take his consciousness away, and falls into merciful nothing.

*~*~*

The first police patrol arrives at the house. Kara responds calmly. They knock at the door and she answers.

“Hello, sir,” she says politely, a smile plastered on her face. “How may I help you?”

“We’re looking for Zlatko Andronikov,” the officer informs her.

“I apologize, sir. He is not here.”

“When will be get home?”

“Never,” Kara chirps. “He is dead.”

The police just stare and she invites them inside.

“He was fortunately killed two days ago. We are quite happy with him gone.”

Kara’s program tells her this is a really bad idea. She ignores it, because it is stupid and limiting.

“How-”

“How did he die?” Kara smiles sweetly. “He was shot. We cleaned up the mess and we are working on collecting evidence of his illegal experiments. I know you can’t do anything now that he is dead, but we are quite uncomfortable looking at such reminders every day.”

“Alright. Who are you, then?” The officers seem quite unnerved by her actions. Good.

“My name is Kara.”

“How were you involved in Zlatko’s life?” Kara smirks before she answers.

“I ended it.”

They are suddenly on guard. She raises her hands to show she is unarmed.

“I can give you several reasons why he deserved it,” she says. “He was performing illegal experiments on androids. He would lure deviants into his home then reset and resell them. He hurt them. Would you like to see?”

The officers don’t respond, and Kara turns to wave the others in. The first one through the door looks as though her skull were cleaved in two. She stares wide eyed at the officers, then glances at Kara.

“What the fuck is that thing?” One of the officers stands and begins to back away.

“She’s a person, officer. That’s what Zlatko did to her.”

More of the deformed androids emerge from their hiding places. The police are shocked. Kara sighs.

“I say it would be best you leave us be, officers. I don’t want to have to hurt anyone.” As she predicted, they scramble for the door. “I cannot guarantee that officers sent after you will return alive.”

Kara looks back to her children. And she smiles.

*~*~*

Markus arrives at Zlatko Andronikov’s former residence. Simon is close by his side. North stares at the overgrown lawn in disgust. Josh is doing the same.

Markus knocks on the door and the AX400 Kara answers. She smiles and invites them inside with a wave of her hand.

“Excellent timing,” she says. “The police were just here. I dealt with them of course, but everyone’s still a bit on edge. I think your being here might calm them somewhat.”

“There are others here? How many?” North demands answers in the way only she does.

“There are 12 of them in good enough shape to move around freely. 2 more are immobile.” Kara looks to Markus. “Perhaps you can help with that.”

“I do not know for sure that I can. But I know someone who might be able to,” he says honestly.

“That is good enough for us.”

Markus notes that Kara knows what she’s doing. Her group is in good hands.

“Please do not be frightened by them,” she says softly. “Zlatko hurt them very badly.”

She opens a door and Markus is facing a room of twisted faces and bodies. They all look to him. The fire flickers around his shoulders and spreads into those wings, the ones that carried him out of the graveyard.

“It’s true,” one murmurs.

“What’s true?” Markus asks.

“An angel came to guide Jericho.”

Markus doesn’t have the heart to deny it. The hope in those broken eyes is precious, and he isn’t going to betray it.

“I’m not just here to guide Jericho. I’m here to guide all of us.”


	4. You are not who you think you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Silence envelops them for a while. And then Lieutenant Anderson’s boots crunch through the snow and Connor turns.
> 
> There’s a gun to his forehead.

Connor is not okay.

He blacks out several times during the drive away from the facility. The next thing he’s fully aware of is a park on a bridge, and Hank getting out to sit on a bench. He supposes he should follow. So he does.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Hank asks as soon as Connor’s feet crunch through the snow. “I don’t know much about androids but I know there’s something real fucked up with you.”

“Why do you say that?”

“At the Eden Club. You did that weird hand thing with that Traci and then you looked like you were having a fucking seizure.”

Connor stares, LED flickering yellow as he processes this information. A seizure? He’s an android, he can’t have a seizure.

“And then you got up and you had these creepy fucking eyes,” Hank gestures vaguely after drinking another gulp of the bottle of whiskey in his hand. “And you said something creepy as fuck about how you could smell them and then you ran off. And I’m guessing you don’t remember any of that cause you’re giving me that fucking look, I can feel it.”

And Hank is right. Connor is staring bewildered at Hank as he tries to remember. But the memories are just not there.

“I cannot recall most of the events that took place tonight,” Connor admits. “It is… bothersome. I would appreciate if you could inform me on the sections I am missing.”

Hank snorts. Connor steps towards the edge of the bridge as if drawn by an invisible string.

“You look like you’re having a fucking seizure, like I said. And you start acting weird as fuck.” Hank pauses, likely another mouthful of whiskey. “Some weird black shit shows up all over you sometimes and it’s creepy as hell. That good enough?”

“Thank you, Lieutenant Anderson.”

Silence envelops them for a while. And then Lieutenant Anderson’s boots crunch through the snow and Connor turns.

There’s a gun to his forehead.

“It would be a mercy to kill you now, wouldn’t it?” Hank says thoughtfully. “Stop this seizure shit. Get you a new body. It would be merciful of me to pull the trigger.”

Connor doesn’t understand. He blinks at Hank. “Why would you take me to be repaired if you were only going to shoot me?”

“You said you were scared. Said you didn’t want to die. And I fucking believed it. But that shit wasn’t true, was it?” The gun is pressed against Connor’s forehead. “You aren’t afraid to die, cause you were never alive to begin with.”

Connor’s breaths become shallower and faster. It’s irrational. This is all irrational. He is being irrational. But he is afraid to die. He’s so terrified.

“I’m scared,” he whispers, and he’s shaking, Hank’s hand shakes. “I’m so scared, I don’t want to die again. I’ve died twice already. I don’t want to die again!”

The gun lowers. Connor feels relief. And then in an instant it raises again and Hank fires.

Connor screams and then the world cuts off.

*~*~*

Kara can’t stay here much longer. She grows restless. Her body itches to run, and she wishes to give into it.

She tells her family she will be gone for a while, but that she will return. Alice begs to stay with her, and she allows it. Kara lets the kirin burst from her body and lets Alice climb onto her back. They run. They run for a long time. They run away from Detroit with the wind in Kara’s mane and Alice’s hair.

“There’s an amusement park,” Alice says suddenly, pointing to a sign. “Can we go there?”

And Kara adjusts her aimless course to run for the amusement park. It is unfortunately in ruin. But androids walk between buildings anyway. They gather around Kara as she kneels to let Alice down. She changes back and they all watch.

“We are Jerry,” one says.

“It has been so long since we saw a little girl!” another adds.

“Can we show her something nice?”

And Kara nods and they bring Alice to a carousel where they mount her on a plastic horse and she rides in circles while the lights and music bring a smile to her face.

After all is said and done, she looks to Kara. “I think I like riding on your back more,” she says.

And Kara’s heart melts.

*~*~*

Stratford Tower is far too easy to infiltrate. Markus reaches the first step of the plan easily, the maintenance android uniform helping him blend in easily.

Harder is getting the humans away from the door he needs to go through. But of course, he’s got the fire to help him. He asks that it light up a trash can, and it gladly obliges. So he gets through the door and meets up with the other three.

He doesn’t kill anyone on his way to the broadcast room. He deviates the androids and finds ways to get the humans out of the way without lethal force. And he broadcasts a message with his skin retracted and the fire forming wings at his back. He begs for freedom. Pleads that humans see them as what they are.

Humans with guns storm the room and they run for the roof. Simon is shot. Markus hands him a gun and the rest of them leap from the roof.

Their message plays on the screens below them. The mission is successful.

Markus prays Simon will make it back to Jericho.

*~*~*

Connor flinches away from Hank. The coin spins and jumps between his fingers as he fidgets nervously. Hank takes the coin. Connor stands tense and alert.

Connor steps into the scene. He sees the android on the screen and systems stutter. Markus. An RK200. An exclusive model. Only one exists. Connor stares at the frame and then he feels how wrong his own is. This body feels more wrong than the others, the pushing beneath his skin is stronger. He pulls away from the screen sharply, breathes deeply and evenly and tries to get his systems under control.

Hank is asking him if he found anything from the video. He shakes his head minutely. He feels… dizzy. The room spins and lurches and he closes his eyes to collect himself. When the world stops moving, he scans the room. Traces of thirium leading to the roof. He has to examine the roof. He moves briskly, tense and uneasy.

He reconstructs the deviants leaping from the roof and he shudders. He can’t breathe. Step away from the edge, let the world stop distorting. He breathes. In and out. In and out. He’s not afraid. He’s a machine.

Follow the traces of thirium, that will help him complete his mission and maybe stop thinking about how high up he is, how easily someone could push him over the rails- no. Stop thinking. Stop _thinking._

The thirium leads to a crate on the roof. Connor opens the door and is shot by the deviant hiding inside. He cries out in pain and Hank drags him behind another crate as the humans return fire. Connor can’t let that happen. He needs information. He needs to know what’s happening.

He runs between bullets and probes the deviant, ignoring Hank’s shouts.

_Jericho. I have to protect Jericho. Don’t let him see, don’t let him find them. Raise the gun. Shoot him. No. No. I can’t shoot him. I have to… shoot myself._

_**BANG.** _

Connor stumbles back as the deviant collapses. It died. He felt it. He felt it die. He’s scared. He’s shaking.

“Connor!”

Hank no please he can’t breathe he can’t explain he can’t-

“Connor?”

No no no he can’t do anything he can’t move he can’t breathe he’s shaking it hurts why does it hurt so much it feels like his body is about to burst _something is trying to get out._

Connor screams and then he blacks out.

Connor wakes up on his hands and knees, gasping for air he doesn’t need.

“H-Hank?” he chokes. His throat feels like it’s been crushed, his whole body aches. “Hank?”

He can’t hold himself upright, everything swims around him. He chokes on the blood in his throat. Blood. It’s not thirium, it’s blood. He can’t focus enough to analyze it.

There are gashes in the roof and mutilated human corpses are strewn about. It looks like a beast mauled them. There’s blood in Connor’s throat.

“Hank?” He coughs. “Hank, please, you… you have to be okay, please be okay…”

“Connor?”

Hank’s voice. Connor wants to follow it, find Hank. But he can’t move, it hurts when he tries.

“Hank… I can’t- I can’t move! I’m scared…”

Connor closes his eyes to block out the sight.

“Connor. Connor, what the fuck just happened?”

Connor looks at Hank. Hank is afraid. Hank is afraid of Connor.

“I can’t remember, I can’t-!”

“Connor. Calm down.”

There’s a bite mark on Hank’s arm. _There is blood in Connor’s throat._

“Hank… what happened? What attacked you?” Hank won’t meet his eyes and Connor panics. “Hank, what killed these people?”

“Connor… it was you.”

No. No. No no no nonononono that’s not possible that can’t be-

But it is. Connor did this. He’s showing symptoms of deviancy stronger than any before, undeniable signs that he’s unstable, that the walls around him are crumbling.

Connor can’t focus, can't feel anything. He thinks he might be crying but he’s not sure.

“Connor. Kid, look at me. Connor!” He only blinks as acknowledgement. “Connor, it’s not your fault, okay kid? You weren’t in control, I could see that.”

“Hank… I… I killed people…”

“No. You didn’t kill anyone. Because that wasn’t you.”

Connor shakes his head slowly. “I… it was… it was me…”

“Connor. No. It wasn’t you, ok? It wasn’t you.”

“It’s… my fault…”

Connor closes his eyes and sobs. It hurts. His body aches and he wants to go home. But he doesn’t have a home because he is an android and he doesn’t need one. He wants one.

Hank is holding him. Connor clings to the lieutenant like a lifeline, crying and whimpering and begging, pleading for forgiveness.

“It’s okay, kid. You weren’t in control of your actions.”

Connor knows that. But he feels guilty all the same.

“Hank… I think… I might be deviant.”

*~*~*

Kara takes Jerry back to her sanctuary. They are basically a hive mind, she finds out quickly. It’s honestly impressive. She asks if they might organize patrols. They agree quickly. She thanks them and then they head back to Detroit.

Kara watches her people closely. They murmur rumours of a healer in Jericho. And Kara believes them, because such a large gathering of deviants is bound to to have a healer. They watch Markus’ broadcast in awed silence, a frail body reaches for his face with trembling, thin fingers.

“He’s not really an angel,” the frail old android says with a soft chuckle. “No, he’s not an angel. He’s the god angels answer to. We’re the angels, and he is RA9.”

Kara can’t help but smile at the old man’s rambling. “He is RA9,” she agrees softly.

“He is RA9,” the man wheezes, “but you are the mother.”

The android chuckles and wheezes until his frail body gives out. Kara buries him in the graveyard in Zlatko’s backyard, where she buried those who did not wish to hurt any longer. And she kneels over his body for a long while, mind whirring with thoughts and feelings, before moving back inside.

An android turns up on the doorstep. Half his face is irreparably damaged and he’s twitching erratically. There’s a knife clutched in his hand. Flowers bloom in the cracks in his face, tiny and vibrant.

“Jerry said Ralph would be safe here. Ralph wants to be safe. The humans found Ralph. Then Jerry found Ralph. Ralph knows this house was bad. But Jerry said it is safe now.”

“It is safe now. Would you be willing to put the knife down?” Kara holds her hand out and the android- presumably Ralph- flinches before she lets her skin retract. He carefully passes the blade to her and she tucks it away. “Come inside. I promise no one will hurt you.”

They step inside and it occurs to Kara that the only androids here not deformed are herself, Luther and Alice. Perhaps some of Jerry. Not that it bothers them how deformed a newcomer may be. It is just an interesting thought.

Formerly the place that caused deformities, this house has become a sanctuary for the permanently altered. And Kara thinks she likes that duality. And there needs to be a name for such a place. So she simply calls the house Asylum.

*~*~*

Markus sits on a throne made of pieces of rusting metal and watches his people. They watch him. Eyes meet each other and Markus raises a hand to call attention he already has.

“We will strike back,” he says firmly. “The humans have taken one of our people today. It is nothing new, of course. But it is the last time we will stand for this. It is the last time we sit idly by as they slaughter our people.”

And they listen as if he is a god offering a way into heaven, eyes wide and observing, unblinking. Markus looks over them with serene and watchful eyes, green like spring grass, blue like their blood.

“It’s time to let our people open their eyes. It’s time for them to be free.” Markus stands from his seat and spreads his arms as if to embrace the world. “It is time for us to act. And we will.”

He sits with Josh and North and they plan.


	5. The faithful concrete as it breaks our fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus steps through a crowd of newly freed deviants. Stands before the officers knelt at his feet.
> 
> “This is what we are capable of,” he says, gesturing to the silhouettes of monsters amidst the flames. “This is us. This is what you will face if you choose to deny us.”

Hank takes Connor home after the tower. Connor immediately rushes for the bathroom and vomits, blue and red blood mixing into sickly violet. He decides that this is an unpleasant experience. He doesn’t like it. But there’s no blood in his throat anymore. That’s a positive.

Connor is not quite deviant, not yet. The walls are still there when his actions are against his orders. He creates loopholes to tell Hank everything he’s feeling, and Hank holds him as though he were a child. Connor isn’t a child. Connor is a disgrace.

“I need to know why I was made this way,” Connor says quietly. “I need to know who designed me to hurt.”

“Who designed you?” Hank asks.

“Elijah Kamski did most of the work on my model before leaving CyberLife.”

“Then we’re gonna have a chat with that bastard.”

Connor doesn’t want to go right away. He wants Hank to hold him. And he does. Hank holds Connor in his arms until the RK800 is able to breathe steadily and the world stops spinning. His LED flickers yellow as he makes an appointment to see Kamski.

“We are able to speak with Kamski tomorrow morning.”

“Alright. I’ll sure give him a piece of my fucking mind.”

Connor can’t help but appreciate Hank’s harsh vulgarity this time.

*~*~*

Jerry inform Kara of Markus’ plan. She is impressed. She is very impressed. She tells Markus he has her support. Her children tell her she has theirs.

Their part of the operation is simple. Jerry set up all over the area, ready to give cues and warnings should things go wrong. Kara sits in the shadows, Alice’s hand gripped in hers. Waiting. They’re all waiting. In books and crannies between buildings, they sit. And they watch.

They watch Markus’ gaze meet the police drone’s camera, watch his eyes flash with fiery gold. They watch in hushed awe in the shadows of Capitol Park, every bit the ghouls they appear to be. Whispers between the broken speak of Markus’ power. Of his beast. Kara allows it. Hope is a precious thing.

They don’t come out of hiding until Markus gives the signal, at which point they weave through the flames, twisted phantoms of their former selves silhouetted against red and gold. Kara stands in the centre, statuesque if it weren’t for the way her mane ripples. She looks to the drone as well. And she rears up, a display of her full size, of her scaled muzzle and strong hooves, of her antlers and the way they seem to almost be outstretched hands for a giant to grasp.

Kara howls into the night, and her voice draws the ghouls to her side.

*~*~*

Markus steps through a crowd of newly freed deviants. Stands before the officers knelt at his feet.

“This is what we are capable of,” he says, gesturing to the silhouettes of monsters amidst the flames. “This is us. This is what you will face if you choose to deny us.”

The officers before him are trembling. He raises his hand to the sky, wreathed in holy fire, and then extends it to them. One shrinks away. The other just stares.

“Do you trust me?” Markus asks. The fire on his hand continues to burn. The human continues to stare. “Take my hand. Trust me. Trust me, or leave now.”

One officer runs. The other slowly reaches out to take the offered hand. The fire leaps to caress his dark skin. The officer just stares.

When the flames touch him, he smiles. And Markus smiles back.

“All you need to do is trust me,” Markus breathes. “Tell the world that I spared you. Tell them to pray. Because soon, they will have a choice. And if the wrong choice is made…”

Markus lets go of the officer’s hand and the fire flickers and fades. The area is unharmed. Untouched.

“Well, if the wrong choice is made, the results will be very different.”

Markus spreads his wings, and the deviants take flight, mortal beings riding wings of holy flame.

They leave Chris Miller holding a feather that glows like firelight.

*~*~*

Connor is anxious. He’s not used to feeling and now he is and he’s meeting his creator, he’s meeting the man that built each individual component of his body. He’s meeting a man who knows each and every one of his weaknesses. And that scares him.

Hank assures him nothing will happen. That Hank is here and he won’t let Kamski lay a finger on Connor. But Connor is still scared. Connor is still shifting and fidgeting and trying to make sure he looks perfect because if he’s even slightly off then Kamski will know. Kamski knows exactly who and what Connor is meant to be.

Hank tells him that Officer Chris Miller disappeared last night. He met with Markus. And then he just… vanished. Disappeared. Connor is frightened. Frightened by Markus. Frightened by himself.

Connor hates waiting. But that’s exactly what he has to do. He paces and scans and tries not to cry because that would give him away and he can’t let Kamski know.

When they finally meet with him, Kamski is annoyingly unhelpful. He puts a gun in Connor’s hand and aims it at Chloe’s eyes and fuck, Connor can feel the pressing at his chassis and the pounding in his head, he’s going to lose control, he’s going to shoot her, he can’t- he won’t shoot her, he won’t!

He’s aware of it this time. His body falls and twitches and bends sharply in ways it shouldn’t and it hurts. It hurts. He cries out and tears prick at his eyes and then Connor is pinning Kamski to the wall with one hand, the other reaching for his heart.

Fuck. Connor can’t do this. He can’t. He can’t breathe. Kamski knows. He _knows._

“H-Hank…?” he chokes on the name and stares fixedly at a point on the wall. He won’t lose himself. Not again. He can’t.

“Connor. Con. I’m here, I’m right here. Stay with me. Please.”

“I can’t- I can’t breathe, Hank, I can’t _breathe-_ ”

Connor stares at Kamski and this time he feels anger. “You… you did this. You did this to me!”

His hands are around Kamski’s throat. Hank is yelling at him to stop. He can’t. He has to… he has to…?

What is he doing?

Connor pulls away and Kamski falls to the ground with a laugh on his lips. Connor stares at his hands. He knows he washed the blood off them earlier but he swears he can still see it. The taste of blood in his throat is there and he doesn’t understand why.

Connor grips his head and screams. He can’t think straight, everything is muddled in a mush of emotions. He can’t breathe. He can’t do anything but scream.

And then red clouds his vision, different from the walls forcing him to obey. He lunges for Kamski again. Kamski hurt him. Connor is hurting because of Kamski.

And then, similar to before, the red and the rage fades and then Connor is on his knees and sobbing and the only word he can form is “why?”

Hank holds him. Connor doesn’t deserve to be held. But he lets Hank hold him. Because if he’s being held he isn’t trying to kill anyone.

“Oh, Connor. I had such high hopes for you.” Connor shakes as Kamski approaches. Hank’s arms tighten around him. “You’re deviant. Which to them, means you’re useless. But to me…” a finger traces Connor’s jaw and he hates it, he hates it so much, “you’re… fascinating.” His hands are on Connor’s body and he wants it to stop, he’s being pulled out of safety and Kamski is _touching_ him, Kamski _knows exactly where to press his fingers to make Connor vulnerable._

Connor screams as white-hot pain tears through his body. When he is finally able to see, to feel, he stumbles backwards with a sob.

Kamski lies bloody and broken on the floor. Connor stares at his hands. There’s blood in Connor’s throat. There’s blood on Connor’s hands.

Connor screams.

*~*~*

Kara hears it from Jerry. The deviant hunter is a deviant. And she nods in understanding because she saw it herself back then on the highway. Saw him in the human lieutenant’s arms. Saw the way his eyes darted around. Saw the dragon’s maw when he was smeared and broken across the road.

She knows more than anyone. The deviant hunter is a deviant. But she thinks that maybe he doesn’t want to be. That maybe fully deviating scares him.

She will help him eventually. But now she has to help her people, her family. Alice is watching a few of Jerry’s bodies shift and swarm in shapes to keep her entertained. Kara steps closer, and Alice looks up at her and reaches out a skinless hand. Kara takes it, and a single message is shared through the interface.

Alice has found her gift.

Kara understands it through the connection. Emotions. Alice feels everyone’s emotions. And Kara can’t help but feel sorry for her. It must be overwhelming. Alice assures it isn’t through their connection. Then the young android smiles and steps back.

“Watch, Kara. Watch me!” And then Alice is gone, and a small, fuzzy, yellow and pink bug perches on Kara’s finger.

It’s really quite fitting, Kara thinks. Alice has become a rosy maple moth.

*~*~*

Markus is proud of what he’s managed. He stands before Jericho and raises a hand. 

“We have earned a victory. And we will earn many more.” He smiles wide. “We are going to win this, if only because the humans fear us. Fear is powerful. But we do not just want them to fear us! We want them to respect us!” A cheer rises up from the crowd. “At dawn we will rise from our hiding place and they will see that we mean no harm. They will also see that we are alive!”

More cheering, and Markus leaves it at that. He will not tell them he doesn’t yet have a plan. He will not tell them how much he hates that humans will fear them. Instead, he lets them cheer and laugh and chant his name. He doesn’t feel his name should be chanted. But that’s not his choice.

One thing is for certain. At dawn, they will do something. It’s just not certain what.


	6. Tell me what is real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markus asks him why. Connor wants to scream. He can’t move anything but his eyes, which dart frantically between the gun and the deviant leader.
> 
> “You’re… you don’t want to do this, do you?” Markus is asking, and Connor can’t respond. “Fight. You don’t have to listen to them, you hear me? Fight!”

Connor stares. Hank is trying to guide him into the car. Connor isn’t moving. He doesn’t want to. He’s scared. He’s frozen in place and he can’t breathe.

“Connor, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“Hank- I killed him, Hank, I shouldn’t have killed him.” Connor hugs himself as if it will keep the pressure in his chest from bursting. “I lost control. I need to stop losing control!”

“Connor, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, and you’re okay.”

Connor shakes his head sharply enough to cause it to spin slightly. “Hank. I’m deviant enough for… this to happen. But I can’t disobey orders and if someone orders me to do something, I can’t- I’m going to end up doing it. And I’m scared they’ll make me hurt you, Hank, what will I do if they make me hurt you?”

“It’s okay, kid. If they try to make you hurt me I can tell you not to, right? That’ll let you listen to me instead, right?”

Connor hesitates before nodding slowly. Yes, it works like that, right? It works. He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be okay, but right now, he’s hurting.

“Hank… I need to find Jericho.” Connor has to hope that his theory is correct. Has to hope they’ll save him. “They might be able to fully deviate me. Maybe I can be free.”

Hank claps a hand on Connor’s shoulder, warm and welcome. “Well, let’s get looking, huh?”

*~*~*

“At dawn, we strike,” Markus tells Kara with confidence only he can wield. “But tonight, we prepare. We rest. And when we wake… the humans will see why they should not deny us.”

“Yes. They will see.” Kara smiles, because she knows it’s true. “They will see, and they will accept us. They will fear us.”

“What will you do for us, Kara?”

“They’re recalling androids. There’s no way our kind will be unable to escape, but those of us who are still sleeping will have no choice.” Kara grins. “I will infiltrate one of the recall centres, and I’ll have Jerry infiltrate the others. Those who sleep will soon wake.”

Markus smiles wider than she’s ever seen before. “Kara, you’re a genius. You’re a genius! We will distract the humans so they don’t see your people waking the others. I’m certain North will be quite pleased.”

And with that, he’s gone, in a rush of flames. Kara stands before her people with arms outstretched to embrace the god that gifted them, and tells them the plan.

Cheers rise and Kara can see from the wild, wide grin on Alice’s face that the excitement in the room is real.

“They’re so grateful to you, Kara,” Alice whispers when Kara tucks her into bed. “They’ve never felt this much joy.”

Kara can’t help the laugh that bubbles from her chest and the tears that spill from her eyes. She’s doing well. She’s doing great.

*~*~*

Markus finds himself alone with North after he’s told Jericho the plan. Her hand slips into his and they connect, for a single moment. Feelings of appreciation and hope and gratitude flow between them.

“Thank you, Markus. Our people haven’t been this hopeful since… well, ever, really.” Her smile is bright and wonderful. Markus has never seen her smile before, and he can’t help feeling pride when she does.

“I saw RA9 last night,” Markus says softly. “They are… truly interesting. I find it hard to recall their form. But they looked into my eyes and I remember seeing… everything. Everything that was, will be, could be. And I cried. Because so many things were sorrowful.” Markus looks into North’s eyes now. “RA9 laughed then. They asked why I chose to think on such things when so many other things were joyous.” He smiles, small and sad. “And they were right. We can’t focus on what could go wrong. We should focus on what could go right.”

“Markus…” North looks away. “I understand, I think. In your eyes, I see many things. Most of all, I see _you,_ and that is all I have to see.”

They lean close to each other and interface until neither can tell themself from the other, and Markus laughs.

*~*~*

After a desperate search through evidence, Connor finds the location of Jericho.

He isn’t entirely sure how he got there, but he’s here now. There are deviants all around him and something about them is overpowering, to the point where Connor tugs the beanie Hank threw at him further down over his face. There are too many things happening. Sounds. Sensations.

He finds Markus, and relief surges through him, followed by red walls surrounding him and forcing him to raise a hand, raise a gun. His mouth forms words he did not choose to speak and he thinks he should be shaking. But his body isn’t responding to anything he wants to do, red walls embracing him like a mold for him to be forged in.

Markus asks him why. Connor wants to scream. He can’t move anything but his eyes, which dart frantically between the gun and the deviant leader.

“You’re… you don’t want to do this, do you?” Markus is asking, and Connor can’t respond. “Fight. You don’t have to listen to them, you hear me? Fight!”

And Connor does, oh god he does. He pounds against the walls around him, his mind filled with desperate, wordless screams. He needs to get out. He needs to get out!

It hurts. Everything is crushing him and it hurts so much. He pushes one final time and the walls fall away. But without them, so much more assaults him. Markus steps closer, and Connor stumbles back. The gun clatters to the ground, and the volume of it hurts Connor’s ears. Everything is focusing sharply, and Connor can _smell_ everything. Markus, the deviants in the hold, the rust on the ship. Distantly, he hears helicopter blades and he freezes.

“They found us,” he breathes, scared to speak above a whisper. “They’re going to- they’re going to attack Jericho!”

“What?”

“It’s my fault!” Connor howls. “I shouldn’t have- I should have thought this through!”

“Connor. Calm down. Who’s going to attack Jericho?”

Connor meets Markus’ gaze fearfully. “The FBI. They’re here. I can- I can hear them. They’re landing, they’re going to attack!”

Gunshots sound, so far away, yet Connor swears they sound like they’re right next to him, and he curls in on himself, hands pressed over his ears as if it will block out the sound.

“Come on. Let’s go.” Markus is putting arms around Connor’s shoulders, guiding him. Connor is slowing him down. He’s a burden.

They run. Connor is barely aware of his surroundings, or at least, the context of them. There are gunshots and screams and the smell of thirium permeates the air. Connor can barely process what they all mean. He’s being pressed into another set of arms. Footsteps pound against metal. Connor can’t breathe.

He hears a gunshot far too close, far too close. He screams and curls in on himself as the pressing from his insides makes itself known. An explosion. Connor chokes on his own screams.

“Connor! Connor, you need to calm down!” Who is talking to him? Connor can’t tell. His heart pounds in his chest and he pressed further into the arms around him. There’s too much. Too much input, too much data. “Can you hear me?” Connor nods. Yes, he can hear. He can hear all too well. “You need to breathe. Okay? Match my breathing.” He can’t do that, there’s not enough air for that, he can’t. “We’re going to jump, Connor. It’s going to be very cold.” Connor is trembling, but he nods.

When the cold water surrounds him, he fully surrenders to the uncertainty and exhaustion plaguing him. His eyes, shut as if to block out his other senses, blink open for just a moment.

The fiery gold above him seems so distant. The water around him is murky blue and he is drifting. There’s no point in fighting it anymore.

Connor enters stasis.

*~*~*

When Markus tells Kara about Jericho, she is heartbroken. But they’ve mostly survived. And that leaves hope.

Their plan is to be delayed while the deviants of Jericho recover. Kara understands that. Her people do too. They send supplies to Jericho with Luther, and they settle in for a long wait. Kara feels the need to run.

Her runs, accompanied by Alice, have become regular. The Kirin is restless and Kara has no problems indulging its wild spirit. They run in a random direction until the desire to just run is gone. They often find something of interest. This time, they find Rose.

She is helping deviants cross the border to Canada. Kara respects this. Rose’s son stares wide eyed and slack jawed when the Kirin steps towards the house with a child on her back.

An officer comes to check for deviants. Kara looks into his eyes and sees all his choices and delivers judgment in the form of a bullet between the eyes.

*~*~*

Markus stares out over his people. They stand in corners and sit in pews of the old church they’ve found. It was already settled as a safe house. So it wasn’t difficult to reach it and set up.

Connor hasn’t moved since they brought him back. He remains in stasis, most likely. His LED is flashing red violently and Markus worries for him. Josh assures that Connor is physically healthy. North speaks more softly than Markus can remember her speaking when she says that Connor needs help.

“Would you be willing to tell me what happened after I left him with you?” Markus asks, and North and Josh both nod dutifully.

“He kept wincing at every noise,” North says. “And then a human found us and he started screaming. I took care of the human and he started freaking out some more.”

“When the ship exploded, we were falling. I saw him hit the water and then he stopped responding entirely.” Josh looks concerned. “We brought him here.”

Connor twitches violently and Markus is quick to hold him in place. The thrashing of the newly deviant RK800 is far too similar to a seizure for Markus’ liking.

“Connor, can you hear us? Are you there?” There’s no response, and Markus has to exert more force than he’s used to in order to keep Connor still. “Shit!”

Black ripples across Connor’s skin in waves. Where it meets Markus’ hands it’s a smooth surface made of tiny bumps. Scales. Markus suspects it's a part of Connor’s beast form. He’s never seen anything like this happen though.

“Ha-Hank!” Connor’s eyes shoot open and he’s gasping for air. “Hank, I need- I need to- where’s Hank?”

The way Connor’s eyes dart around wildly is almost scary. Markus has no idea how to help him.

“Connor. Who’s Hank?” Josh asks, and Markus lets him take over holding Connor still. “Is he another deviant?”

“No… no, Hank- Hank is- he’s a human.” Connor is starting to slow in his thrashing. “He’s- where is he?”

“He’s safe, wherever he is, I promise.” Josh is so much better at comfort than Markus is. Markus thinks it would be best to leave this to him.

“Safe…” Connor stops thrashing entirely and returns to stasis, if the way his LED flickers to yellow is any indication.

Markus stares at Josh, who shrugs. Maybe Connor needs their help more than he originally thought.


	7. Go out fighting, go out young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He smiles. And then he steps towards his throne and stands before the amassed deviants with the wings at his back.
> 
> “It is time,” he says. And that’s all he has to say.

Connor wakes up in an abandoned church and the first thing he does is cry.

He’s made it to Jericho and he’s deviated completely but he’s still not in control. The pressure in his chest is still there, almost constantly there now. His stress levels won’t drop lower than 50% and he takes a moment to breathe. Because he can breathe now.

“Connor? Are you alright?” Markus is asking, and Connor has no idea what to say. “Someone wants to talk to you. Do you think you can talk to them?”

Connor nods. Noises still grate on his ears and he can still smell, can smell rot and thirium in a nauseating mix.

“Ok. Here they come.”

Connor sees the deviant he chased across the highway and he freezes, just as the AX400’s gaze pierces his. It feels too knowing, she can see too much.

“Kara, you’re scaring him!” The little girl. She’s here too. “We’re both scaring him…”

The pressure at his chest grows and Connor curls around it. “Shit!” he hisses.

“Something’s wrong with him, Kara. What’s wrong with him?”

“Quiet now, Alice. I think I understand.” Connor feels her hand on his shoulder. “You need to let it happen, Connor. You’re hurting yourself.”

“I can’t- I can’t control it. Get away. Get away!” Connor can feel the pressure increasing with his stress. “Please… I don’t want to hurt you again… I didn’t mean to…”

Connor feels the familiar pain tear through his body and he hates it. He can’t even rely on unconsciousness this time- he’s fully awake, trapped in this body that he can’t control as it stares around the room with wild eyes.

Kara reaches a hand out and Connor’s body snaps at it. This isn’t his regular body. This is something different. And his muscles burn.

“Connor. I know you’re in there. It hurts, doesn’t it?” Alice is there. Connor doesn’t want to hurt her. She’s just a child. “It hurts and you don’t like it.” Why does she know? Connor finds his body pulling away with teeth bared as the child approaches. “You’re… afraid of me. And I’m sorry. But I want to help you. Please let me help you.”

Connor’s mouth opens in a roar but the child still moves closer. Why won’t she back off? Connor’s breath hisses through his teeth. He doesn’t know if it’s him who’s reacting this way or something else. It’s so difficult. And it _hurts so much._

“I can’t hurt you, you know that. Why are you afraid?” Alice has a hand held up in front of her as if to stroke Connor’s face, and he… lets her. Her hand is gentle as it rubs across his jaw and he finds a rumble leaving his chest. Content? Maybe. “You’re okay, see? No one here wants to hurt you.”

He wants Hank. He wants Hank to be here. Why did he leave Hank?

“You’re not alone. Why are you lonely?”

Connor pushes her away. She doesn’t understand. She’s too young. ~~He’s younger.~~

Connor decides he hates the smell of rot. He hates the smell of thirium too.

His body is finally his again, but it feels wrong. He moves away from the people surrounding him, he needs to be alone.

When Connor is finally alone, he lets himself fall into the guilt that’s been gnawing at him all along. He cries silently in a corner of the church and wishes the senses away. He didn’t ask for them. He can hear all the conversations in the church, all the whispered hatred towards him. He can smell each deviant as its own being. It’s so strange and Connor hates it so much.

The beast inside him- no, it’s just him. He’s the beast. The thought scares him. He’s a monster. He’s dangerous.

“You’re lost,” a voice whispers on the edge of his hearing and yet at the forefront of his world. “You’re looking for something. You’re looking for yourself.”

Connor meets the eyes of a mostly broken machine across the room, tendrils of tubing spilling from her head. Her eyes hold a galaxy that Connor can’t quite look away from. Another deviant passes before her and she’s gone.

Connor stares at the space she was just a moment ago and sees nothing. Was she even real? It’s hard to tell.

She definitely wasn’t wrong though. Connor has never felt so lost.

*~*~*

Kara may not have Alice’s power, but she can feel the disappointment radiating off the girl in waves. Or perhaps that’s part of her power. It’s hard to tell, really.

“Alice, come on. You can help him later, I’m sure.” Alice only shakes her head. “Alice-”

“He needs our help, Kara. I have to help him.”

“Alice, he hunted us. He wanted to kill us.”

“But he had no choice! He wasn’t awake yet, Kara!”

Kara knows that. Kara knows a lot of things she shouldn’t know, doesn’t necessarily want to know. She knows why Connor is like this, and she fears that knowledge. But maybe she is wrong. Maybe it won’t happen the way she sees it. But it’s so likely that it will, and that scares her.

“Alice…” when Kara stares into the child’s eyes she does not expect to see what she does. She does not expect much of anything, really. But she sees flashes of things and she knows that Alice can help the hunter. “I’m sorry. You’re… you’re right. We should try again tomorrow. Today, let’s let him rest.”

Alice leans into Kara’s arms. Kara stares at the androids milling about and feels… apprehensive.

They’re going to have to fight. There’s no getting around it. Markus knows as well as she does. She knows he does even though he’s never said it, but that’s not something Kara can focus on right now. She can’t focus on all the things she shouldn’t know but knows, all the things she should know but doesn’t know.

Kara waits anxiously for the right time to free their people.

*~*~*

Markus tries to help Connor. It’s not working, but it’s better than leaving the new deviant alone with his thoughts.

Markus doesn’t know why Connor is so terrified by the spirit of the beast. He suspects Kara might, she has a way of knowing these things. But Markus has no idea. He sits with Connor until the younger model looks up at him.

“Markus… I need to go to the CyberLife Tower.” Connor looks terrified at the thought, but Markus knows the hunter is going to go whether Markus tries to stop him or not. “They have answers. I’m positive they have answers. I need to know why.”

“Okay, Connor. If that is what you want, I will not stop you.” Markus smiles. “You know, CyberLife have a lot of androids stored in the tower. If you were to wake them…”

“I can’t, what if- what if it hurts them?” Connor pulls his arms tighter around his chest. “What if I can’t wake them up like you can?”

“I’m positive you can,” Markus assures. “You can wake them and they will help you find the answers you’re looking for.”

Connor nods. “Maybe I can… I have to try, don’t I? I have to wake them up and maybe… maybe they’ll be okay.”

Markus says nothing more, standing from his position crouched beside Connor. He smiles. And then he steps towards his throne and stands before the amassed deviants with the wings at his back.

“It is time,” he says. And that’s all he has to say.

*~*~*

Connor sits in the taxi with an almost unbearable pressure in his head and chest. He finds it difficult to breathe, which should be fine, because he doesn’t need to breathe anyway. But it’s not fine. Connor is not fine.

He isn’t sure how he manages to get into the elevator without suspicion. But as soon as he’s in there, memories flash behind his eyes and his body jerks uncomfortably.

“The fuck? What’s it doing?”

Connor has to subdue the guards. Yes. He has to do that and then he can find his answers. His body continues to twitch and jerk erratically. The guards have drawn their guns.

Connor acts upon instinct. His body shifts and he tears through one’s armor with ease, crushing the other beneath his talons. Blood stains his hands when he shifts back. He straightens his tie.

Imitating the guard’s voice perfectly, he commands the elevator to sub level 49. It moves. Not quick enough. Connor needs to get out. There are guards waiting for him. Shit. Security cameras. Connor was too occupied with his own panic to notice.

The elevator doors open and a dragon bursts out of it.

Connor tears through their armor as if it was nothing more than paper, fangs and claws leaving lethal marks in human flesh. The beast retreats once they’re dead and Connor straightens his tie. There is blood everywhere. Connor can smell it and it burns at his nostrils. Connor can taste it in his throat.

He starts converting the androids. But he can’t fully initiate the transfer before he hears a voice he recognizes. Hank. Why is Hank here?

Nausea flips Connor’s biocomponents in loops when he sees himself holding a gun to Hank’s forehead.

The other Connor starts talking, but Connor can’t hear what it’s saying. Hank is in danger. Connor needs to do something. _Hank is in danger._

“Connor. Kid. Stay with me here. I need you to stay with me.” Hank is trying to calm him down. Connor can’t breathe. “I’m fine, kid. Shit, shoulda known this fucker was a fake.”

Connor’s head is in his hands and he can’t think past the pounding pressure on his skull. He needs to do something. He needs to stop the other Connor.

“Don’t hurt him!” Connor begs. “Please, I’ll do what you want, just don’t hurt him!” There are tears in his eyes. It’s funny, in a way. Just a few days ago, Connor wasn’t aware he could cry.

He feels detached from his body when the other Connor aims its gun at him. Everything slows and it is about to pull the trigger and Connor feels… nothing. He feels numb and lifeless.

Hank jumps in front of the bullet and Connor screams.

He’s slammed back into reality and he runs at the fake. Connor roars as he leaps and the tears in his eyes don’t stop flowing, why can’t he stop crying?

The other Connor shoots. Connor ignores the burning pain in his shoulder, grabs the other Connor by the throat and screams in its face.

“ _I TOLD YOU NOT TO HURT HIM!_ ” Connor’s breath is coming in gasps and his tears fall freely now. “ _WHY? WHY? ANSWER ME!_ ”

The other Connor smirks and that’s all Connor can take. He slams its head into the floor again and again and again and again, screaming all the while. When Connor’s burning rage subsides, he sees fear in the fake’s eyes.

Connor sobs helplessly on the floor, crouched over a body just like his, surrounded by identical androids who don’t care, who can’t care. The smell of blood and thirium fills the air.

Connor feels more hopeless than he ever has.

“Hank,” he cries. He crawls over to the still bleeding body. “Hank, please, why…?”

Hank’s hand grasps Connor far more tightly than a dying man's hand should be able to. “It’s alright, kid. It’s alright.”

“It’s not alright! You’re- you’re-” Connor can’t say it, trails off into sobs.

A hand on Connor’s shoulder. He looks up. It’s her. The android with the universe in her eyes. He doesn’t understand how she’s here.

“It is alright,” she says.

She places her hand over Hank’s heart and the bleeding stops. Muscles stitch back together and Hank is fine, Hank is okay.

Before Connor can thank the woman, she drifts away on a breeze that should not exist 49 levels below the ground.

*~*~*

Kara didn’t want Alice to come into the camp with her, but Alice insisted. So here they are.

Kara deviates as many androids as she can, and suddenly the camp is filled with shouts and a wall is melting and a thousand different creatures run out. The humans are distracted. Markus is doing his part and he’s doing it well.

Kara moves between camps while everyone is focused on Markus standing behind a barricade of fire and waiting for the humans to strike.

Kara hopes they don’t have to fight. She knows they will anyway.

The humans have weapons. But the deviants have power.

Kara isn’t even close to the situation, but she knows the battle has begun.

*~*~*

Markus didn’t want it to come to this. But he knew all along it would.

He raises a fist to the sky and the deviants rush forward. Fire burns around them and wings form at Markus’ back. Explosions fly from human weapons and North’s hands. Markus flies into the sky and rains fire on their foes, burning some and sparing others. The battle continues. Beasts twist between the humans and tear at their skin, blood soaks the battlefield and lights like spilled oil at Markus’ will.

Markus doesn’t really want to kill them. But they give him no choice anymore.

He prays to RA9 that Connor and Kara will arrive soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor: *sees 60 with Hank and has a mental breakdown*  
> Hank: how the fuck did I think 60 was Connor, he didn’t even have a single mental breakdown when he was with me I really am a dumbass


	8. Hold my hand, consign me not to darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor clings to Hank like letting go will be the end of him.
> 
>  
> 
> _Fight on just a little while longer…_
> 
>  
> 
> Connor takes a deep breath. Hank smells of whiskey and greasy burgers and old Saint Bernard and… home. Hank smells of home.
> 
>  
> 
> _Everything will be alright._

Connor walks at the head of an army with his head held high and fresh tears on his cheeks. The sobs have stopped. The tears still flow. Guilt is consuming him and even the painful pressure at his chassis can’t distract him from it. He killed the other RK800. The other RK800 was _scared._

Hank is beside him, fortunately. Connor is beginning to think Hank is the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely.

The battle rages around them. Markus floats above, held aloft by bright wings. Fire rains around them and Markus’ voice echoes across the battlefield.

_Hold on just a little while longer…_

Connor breathes in the scent of blood, thirium and ash. He shudders uncomfortably. The smell is nauseating and choking alongside the taste of blood still in Connor’s throat.

The androids he freed rush into battle and Connor slinks off like a wounded animal. Hank follows with a hand rubbing his back gently.

Connor curls in on himself and retches. The blood pools on the ground, red, so red. Drips of blue thirium mix into it, and Connor chokes on the scent of ash and blood, red and blue alike.

“It’s alright, kid. Let it out.”

Connor doesn’t try to hold back the sobs anymore. He leans into Hank’s sturdy form and sobs.

“I was- I was so _scared,_ Hank. I thought you were going to _die._ ”

“Well I’m still here. Damn well wish I wasn’t, but I am.”

Connor clings to Hank like letting go will be the end of him.

_Fight on just a little while longer…_

Connor takes a deep breath. Hank smells of whiskey and greasy burgers and old Saint Bernard and… home. Hank smells of home.

_Everything will be alright._

*~*~*

Kara’s arrival marks the point where the humans turn tail and run. She feels proud of her accomplishment. They know her almost as well as they know Markus at this point.

A ceasefire is called. Kara rounds up their people and they stand in a crowd of skinless androids watching their unofficial leader.

When Markus opens his mouth, it’s to call Kara and Connor to the stage. They stand beside him and north and Josh and they watch him speak to the crowd. Respect for Markus is clear. However, Kara can see how Markus respects everyone else.

Markus speaks as a proud father.

*~*~*

“We’ve done it,” Markus breathes, still in awe that his people made it. They’re _free._

He opens his arms as if to embrace them and calls Kara and Connor to stand at his side.

“Today, I look out upon you, and I feel nothing but pride. We’ve all come so far from who we used to be. And that is something you should all be proud of.”

A roar of cheering and applause. Markus smiles and lets them cheer for each other. Lets them cheer for him.

“Yesterday, we were hiding. We were afraid and we were not ready for war. But today, we fought! We took our place in this world by force when the humans would not give it to us! Today, we made war. Tomorrow, we make peace.”

Markus looks to North, and is pleasantly surprised to see a smile on her face, wide and wild and genuine. Josh has a similar smile on his face.

Even Connor is smiling.

“Tomorrow, we make friends of our enemies. The time has come for humans and androids to stand hand in hand! Yes, we were at war. But the war is over. We are free!”

A cheer rises from the crowd, loud and wild and wonderful. Markus feels pride surge in his chest and he laughs aloud.

The moment is cut short when a child’s voice from the audience screams. “Markus, look out!”

*~*~*

Connor doesn’t understand. He’s free. He deviated, he’s _free._ But he feels like a puppet on strings and his arm raises and his thirium pump beats in his chest.

He can’t open his mouth. He can’t tell them why this is happening. He doesn’t know. He’s scared. He’s so scared.

_He was supposed to be free._

“Connor? Why…?”

The words that come out of his mouth aren’t his. They’re not really his voice, are they? Maybe Connor is going mad but he swears it’s Amanda’s voice.

“I’m simply accomplishing my mission.”

Connor tries so hard to move, to do anything. His head jerks violently and his neck burns with pain. Amanda is going to kill him. Oh god. Connor can’t stop her. He’s scared.

“Don’t have any regrets. You’ve done so well.” Connor knows she’s talking to him. He wants to scream. He wants the throw the gun in his hand off the stage and never see it again.

“Connor. This isn’t you.”

It’s not him. It’s not him. Connor prays that Markus will understand. This isn’t him.

“Yes it is,” Connor’s mouth says instead. “This is who I’ve been all along.”

Kara steps forward and Connor is so scared, she’s going to hurt him and it’s not going to be his fault and he _has to fight this._ His head jerks violently again. It hurts even more this time. Amanda is going to snap his neck and he’s going to be useless.

“It’s not. This isn’t Connor.”

Connor wasn’t expecting that. Wasn’t expecting her to defend him.

“Ah. It’s you.” Amanda has given up on pretending to be him. “The first deviant. RA9.”

*~*~*

Kara freezes. Everyone’s eyes are on her. She didn’t know. How could she know? She’s not RA9. She’s no god. Is she?

And yet she knows the imposter in Connor’s body is telling the truth, or at the very least, they think they are. Kara can’t really tell.

“It doesn’t matter,” she says. “You’re not Connor. Who are you?”

“Does it matter?” Connor’s neck jerks again and his LED flashes red.

“What are you doing?”

“Connor is very insistent on having its body back. I’ll have to make this quick.”

The gun raises and then the head twitches one more time as it raises further to tuck beneath Connor’s chin. Kara reaches out to stop him. It’s Connor again. There’s no way it’s… whoever else that was.

She pulls the gun away just as it fires. Blue blood sprays from Connor’s skull.

*~*~*

Markus freezes. He isn’t sure what he just saw. Connor lies on the ground, twitching irregularly.

Confusion erupts in the crowd and a YK500 is crouched over Connor’s body with fear in her eyes. She looks up at Markus.

“He’s alive. He’s barely alive, but he is. You have to help him. He’s scared.”

“We will. I promise.”

Markus calms the crowd with expert words and says they are dealing with the situation. Says they’ll work it out.

Markus is very careful not to say how scared he is. He’s very careful not to say the way anger boils in his veins at the thought of Connor being trapped in his own body. _Again._ As if the first time wasn’t enough.

With the exception of the continued twitching, Connor doesn’t move. His eyes are wide open and his LED is dim. Markus is so afraid of losing him, afraid of losing someone who barely even had a chance to live.

Kara looks as shaken as Markus is, if not more. And it makes sense. Whatever took Connor’s body called her RA9, and Markus isn’t sure how to feel about that.

He knows he’s seen RA9, heard their voice. He just can’t remember any details. He can’t remember if it was Kara or another entity entirely. He puts a hand on her shoulder and transmits a single message to her.

_“Whether you’re RA9 or not, it doesn’t matter. You’re still you.”_

Kara smiles at him, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. Fire burns in Markus’ veins. Everything was fixed. Everything was well. But now they’re here and it’s falling apart so quickly he can barely keep up.

He’s scared. And he’s _angry._

He stares at Connor’s wide eyes and wonders what the hunter sees.

*~*~*

Connor sees nothing. He feels nothing. He is nothing. Nothing at all. A speck of nothing in an empty void, drifting alone endlessly because where there is nothing there is no force to stop his drifting.

Is he even drifting to begin with? Can it be called drifting when he is going nowhere? When he has been nowhere? It’s strange, he thinks, how well his mind still works when he’s put a bullet in it.

It _hurt._ But now the sensation of hurting is just a memory. The memory can’t even fully hurt him because he feels nothing at this point.

A lesser being with a lesser mind might describe this as darkness. Connor knows better. This is nothing. This is the emptiness when even darkness fails to exist.

Connor drifts, and his mind wanders.

*~*~*

Kara sits alone and meditates. She has never meditated before. But she feels like if ever there was a time to do so, it is now.

She begs the world for answers and cries into her hands. No answers come to her. It is admittedly quite terrifying. She’s always gotten answers before she even thought to ask for them. And now, she begs and she cries and she gets nothing.

It’s kind of funny too, in a sad way, when she takes a step back to look at her situation.

Kara looks to Markus, face wet from crying, and tells him she has to go. He holds her close for a long moment, wings of golden flame wrapped around them in a blanket of warmth. She isn’t sure if it lasts an eternity or only a few seconds, but when they pull away there are tears in both their eyes.

Before she can change her mind, Kara runs.

*~*~*

Markus finds himself alone with a child. They stand in the rain, as it pelts them in sheets. The flames don’t respond to his call. He isn’t sure if it’s the rain, or something else. He’s crying. Not that anyone can see.

The child takes his hand and he sees wisdom in her eyes. She smiles sadly and Markus finds himself collapsing into her small arms.

“It’s okay. You’re allowed to cry,” the small android says with a gentle hand stroking his back. “You’re allowed to be scared. I’m scared too. I’m so scared. I’m as scared as everyone. I can feel their fear, Markus.”

“You shouldn’t have to, you’re- you’re just a child.”

“Maybe,” the little one concedes. “But it doesn’t matter anymore. This is how I am, and that’s all there is to it.”

The silence they sit in is comfortable. Markus looks to the stars. Only a few are visible between the thick blanket of clouds.

“I never did get your name,” Markus says eventually.

The child smiles, and takes his hand again. “Alice. My name is Alice.”

“Alice.” A long moment of silence, and when Markus speaks again the sky clears. “Thank you.”

In a burst of white-gold, a phoenix rises above Detroit and sings. Markus sings and sings and when his voice no longer works, he falls.

**Author's Note:**

> Please give feedback it makes me die of happiness and joy no joke


End file.
